So Tyrone and I ran a gazillion errands on Friday....first we went to nursing home to see how is mother is doing, she's on some good pain meds and proceeded to tell us how she thought she was pregnant, but it turned out to be just a really big poop....yup, she's funny....so she tells us that she is so glad not to be pregnant, cause she doesn't wanna do that again..lol She also tells me thank you for helping her with her checkbook. I explain that I help Tyrone with his checkbook and I was glad I could help. She said I was smart and hoped I wasn't a big liar.....I'm not sure if there's a compliment in there or not, I'm still scratching my head about that one. I help her write a letter to a friend of hers who had sent her a letter. I write as she says," Dear Laquisha", (I have changed the name to protect whoever the hell needs to be protected) "I'm glad to hear from you, I am doing terrible. I'm having lots of problems with my bowels" Stop right there! I change it to, "I'm doing fine, having a little stomach discomfort, though." At this point Tyrone explains to his mama that Laquisha doesn't want to hear about her bowels. The rest of the letter is about how she wants to come see her and misses her and blah blah blah....Love, Roshawnda
Next on our agenda is Menards to buy something with the $20 rebate I received that is not $20 but $20 in store credit~ Sons of bitches...they got me, now I gotta come back~ We bought some stepping stones to make a lovely sidewalk at the bottom of the front wheelchair ramp. Tyrone thinks that this would be lovely. This would be lovely, if I had someone else carry the 50 pound concrete slabs for me! What the hell! So my fuhrer, says to buy 12 of them....no problem~! Then it's 5pm since we spent the majority of the afternoon learning about unwanted pregnancies and the size of mama's poop, this makes us hungry! I got a $25 Outback gift certificate from a dear friend, we decide to check it out...I'll sum it up for you~ Service sucked, food was pretty good, but again, service sucked giant hairy balls...I took it upon myself to write to the manager on the website. They want to hear from me, so I'm supposed to call them...I'll prob get a free meal at their hairy ball sucky restaurant~ yay!
We go on from there to the bank, the grocery store and then to Walmart. Tyrone's urinary leg bag is very full, and we still have 2 stops to make...parked in the middle of the concrete parking lot, I spot a drain. As we wait for the women who are parked there to quit applying lipstick and get the hell out of there, I devise my plan. When they leave, we nonchalantly head over there where I bend down in front of him like I'm adjusting his foot pedals, and I open the valve to release some urine enough to make it to the next two stops....From behind, it appears I am giving him a blowjob in the middle of the Walmart parking lot...quite a sight to be seen...lovely, we tap the bag and high tail it to the van, (Big Red) and screech our way out of the parking lot before the cops come and arrest us for lewd sexual acts and public urination! Yep, I'm a criminal...but you don't know the kinda crap you have to go through when his bag gets too full and bursts all over his shorts! Oh, the joys to being a caregiver~ lol
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