Suck it, Valet chick!

Today I hope you will allow me to vent.  Although I usually just end up venting on this blog anyways...so today will not be much different.  My day was going quite spendidly,  Cybil was at school, I had worked off the weight I gained from eating an entire box of Thin Mints over the weekend, (I know what you are thinking and I just advise you to shut the hell up already, they are delicious and I haven't had them since last year and I work really hard, and I am an adult and I can eat a whole box of cookies and there is really nothing u can do about it, so get off my case already), and they were playing Devo on the radio, which always makes me feel good and funky.  Great day, then I had to drive Tyrone to Cleveland Metro today for a dr appt.  There is one valet in particular that I really like.  For one, he only charges me the minimum because of my crippled friend,  and cause I think I'm white and I think a lot of black men like the white girls, uh huh baby, whatever works for discounts~ for two, he never even bothers with giving me a ticket, cause he parks the van right there in front, and has stopped traffic to allow me to load/unload Tyrone.  He likes me because I tip him well.  That's what you do for each other, you tip someone well and they give you discounts.  So we pull up and I unload him to find 5 women and men in blue coats running around like they have no clue what to do.  Where or where is my friend??  Then I hand the keys to a woman who says, "I can't park that, you'll have to go somewhere else."  Eh, excuse me?  I ask what do you mean, I park here all the time, as we come here about 6 to 7 times a year, sometimes more.  She says to me that she has to call someone.  So Tyrone and I sit and wait for them to tell me that they cannot park it, but I can park it in the spaces to the right.  I explained to them that the reason people choose valet is so they do not have to park, you give your keys to the friendly attendant, they say thank you and you are on your happy way.  She evidently showed up late to her orientation that explained the meaning of the term "valet".  She informs me that I need to pull up and around, because now I have someone who has pulled right up behind me and of course I pulled right up behind someone else, as this is what is typically done in a valet situation.  I know the drill, I always valet.  I am lazy.  Anyways, I creep the van in and out of the parallel parking space, pull up, then proceed to drive in reverse about 100 feet to back it into a tiny spot they are pointing to me.  She then informs me that I am out to far, and would I mind moving it back some more.  By this point, I am ready to shove my foot so far up her ass she can taste my shoes.  I then explain why I had to park my own vehicle, when it was valet?  She said that they were not trained to park those "things".  Now mind you, we have a van.  It is a regular full size van, not a bus, or a limo, or anything longer..it's a freaking van.  She said they don't mess with the lift.  I said, as you can see, I have already unloaded him myself and do not expect you to mess with the lift because you will probably mess it up.  I trust no one.  I then say, well then I don't have to pay for the valet because I parked it myself, correct?  Oh heaven's no!  You still have to pay for the space.  Lovely...now because of the blue coated bitch we are late to his appointment.  When I return to pay the $9 fee because I was over my hour by 10 freaking minutes so it went up to the next amount, I ask if there's someone I can speak to.  Of course not.  I ask where is my friend?  He says they are a new valet company and he did not stay on as a member.  Well shit. So they say to me "We cannot move lift vans."  I said the lift is inside, all you have to do is sit in the seat and drive it to a space.  It's just a van.  Well, he informed me that they were not trained to do those.  Okay, so valet can move cars, trucks, minivans, and probably full size vans, but not mine.  Mine is one of those special vans.  Even though I had closed the lift up, and everything, and by looking at it, it's a normal van.  They cannot move it.  She then had the audacity to look at me funny, when I took my change and did not give her a tip.  Are you kidding me? I had to park my own van.  F-you.