Fireworks and Sore vaginas

We had a full day yesterday~  Went to the 4th of July Parade where my daughter marched in her baton group.  It was hot, but we found a great spot under some trees.  Nice parade, big empty spots but overall nice.  Then went to Wendy's for lunch with my nephew.  Home to get Tyrone off his butt and listen to how wonderful he is that he got up in his wheelchair early so I could take us all to this fun filled family event...lol  So, now I gotta lay him down so he doesn't have to sit in his chair for 1378 hours, or something like that.  We don't want any bedsores, or chairsores, or whatever the hell can happen if he sits on his butt for 1378 hours in a row.  I know many people who do this all the time, I wonder if they ever get pressure sores?  I always tease my lil sis who watches movies all the time, I wonder if she ever gets couch sores on her butt, I'll have to ask her next time I see her....She's always telling me about different movies, she's the movie nerd...well mostly just a nerd....lol~  Sorry La-Teesha. Anyways...I work on my homework while Tyrone, and my youngest take naps!  I know!  I would like to take a nap, but I am mom, and therefore not allowed.  After 3 grueling hours on a paper about clinicians in the human services field (i know, right?) we all get up and have dinner with my oldest, who comes over on occasion to forage for food.  Seems her dear father and stepmother rarely have food...or good food...i don't know.  She proceeds to tell me about what has been going on in her life, like that the stepmother buys generic toilet paper and it's making her vagina sore.  I love how my daughter shares every single thought in her head outloud.  I had been wondering how her vagina had been, ya know, cause she's been out of diapers for quite some time now....holy Hell!~  So, we all eat dinner together and get ready to go see fireworks!  We had a pretty good time, kids played with some glow in the dark necklaces that some jackass has to go around and sell to the kids, so the kids say, "Mom! Mom!"  Can I have a glow in the dark necklace that I will wear this one time and then probably break and never wear again, and one day 5 years from now, you will find the broken pieces behind the couch?  Please?????  Well sure!!  I have too much money anyhow, I'd love to give it to the guy with a glow in the dark mohawk!  Anyways, fireworks, then sat for 57 hours waiting to get out of the parking lot.  why do I do this?  I like fireworks but is it really worth it to sit and inch yourself out of the parking lot for 57 hours when it is over?  Yup...so home we go!  Tyrone finally gets to see the cute little solar lights I bought and hung in our flower garden.  He never stays up this late, cause of the whole pressure sore thing...he is thrilled to catch a glimpse of the solar balls of wonderment!   As I expected!! I'm sure he will fall asleep tonight with a big ass grin on his face just thinking of my glowing balls!  I know that's the last thing I think about each night before my head hits the pillow.  Happy 4th of July everyone!

Lewd sexual act in the Walmart parking lot

So Tyrone and I ran a gazillion errands on Friday....first we went to nursing home to see how is mother is doing, she's on some good pain meds and proceeded to tell us how she thought she was pregnant, but it turned out to be just a really big poop....yup, she's funny....so she tells us that she is so glad not to be pregnant, cause she doesn't wanna do that again..lol  She also tells me thank you for helping her with her checkbook.  I explain that I help Tyrone with his checkbook and I was glad I could help. She said I was smart and hoped I wasn't a big liar.....I'm not sure if there's a compliment in there or not, I'm still scratching my head about that one.  I help her write a letter to a friend of hers who had sent her a letter.  I write as she says," Dear Laquisha", (I have changed the name to protect whoever the hell needs to be protected) "I'm glad to hear from you, I am doing terrible.  I'm having lots of problems with my bowels"  Stop right there! I change it to, "I'm doing fine, having a little stomach discomfort, though."  At this point Tyrone explains to his mama that Laquisha doesn't want to hear about her bowels.  The rest of the letter is about how she wants to come see her and misses her and blah blah blah....Love, Roshawnda

Next on our agenda is Menards to buy something with the $20 rebate I received that is not $20 but $20 in store credit~ Sons of bitches...they got me, now I gotta come back~ We bought some stepping stones to make a lovely sidewalk at the bottom of the front wheelchair ramp.  Tyrone thinks that this would be lovely.  This would be lovely, if I had someone else carry the 50 pound concrete slabs for me!  What the hell!  So my fuhrer, says to buy 12 of them....no problem~!  Then it's 5pm since we spent the majority of the afternoon learning about unwanted pregnancies and the size of mama's poop, this makes us hungry!  I got a $25 Outback gift certificate from a dear friend, we decide to check it out...I'll sum it up for you~ Service sucked, food was pretty good, but again, service sucked giant hairy balls...I took it upon myself to write to the manager on the website.  They want to hear from me, so I'm supposed to call them...I'll prob get a free meal at their hairy ball sucky restaurant~ yay!

We go on from there to the bank, the grocery store and then to Walmart.  Tyrone's urinary leg bag is very full, and we still have 2 stops to make...parked in the middle of the concrete parking lot, I spot a drain.  As we wait for the women who are parked there to quit applying lipstick and get the hell out of there, I devise my plan.  When they leave, we nonchalantly head over there where I bend down in front of him like I'm adjusting his foot pedals, and I open the valve to release some urine enough to make it to the next two stops....From behind, it appears I am giving him a blowjob in the middle of the Walmart parking lot...quite a sight to be seen...lovely, we tap the bag and high tail it to the van, (Big Red)  and screech our way out of the parking lot before the cops come and arrest us for lewd sexual acts and public urination!  Yep, I'm a criminal...but you don't know the kinda crap you have to go through when his bag gets too full and bursts all over his shorts!  Oh, the joys to being a caregiver~ lol